Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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