Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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