I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
