Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
