I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
