And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
