I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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