Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have already put on my inside pants.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
