i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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