he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
