your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
