That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
