Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
