Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
