I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
