I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
