My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
