Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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