Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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