Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
