You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize