Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
