I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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