Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
