Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
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i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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