"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize