i think my tv is drunk
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
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you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I love you. Go after that dick
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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