i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
