just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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