Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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