apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
