i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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