wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
