Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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