At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
