dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
