Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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