I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
