She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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