u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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