You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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