I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
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I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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