I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize