I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
