I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
