last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
