I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Randomize
