Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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