My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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