I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
