i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
