My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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