I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
