Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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