I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
