She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
