Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
