Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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