threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Your penis caused this!
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