I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
