dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
