I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
