I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just invented taco cereal.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
