i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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