My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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