I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
