I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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