The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
