Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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